What if?
It being the season of fantasy, when ordinary boys and the occasional U.S. Senator dream of what it would be like to grow up to be President, it may occur to agile minds to wonder how the recent news of Qaqaa all over the place would be different if some of those dreams came true.
Let's listen in as a Presidential advisor opens the door of the Oval office one morning, carrying a President's morning coffee.
Scenario A:
Advisor: Good morning, Mr. President, here's your coffee. Word from the Pentagon is the invasion is going well, but unfortunately we can't find 400 tons of high explosive the IAEA warned us were stashed at al-Qaqaa.
President A: Dear me, really? Mohammed El Baradei will be cross with us, I fear. I better call him later and assure him we're planning on a full investigation into how this happened. Can you get the Senate majority leader on the phone? Maybe we can schedule the first hearings before I talk to Mohammed. Oh, and call the Secretary of State, too. We should put this on the agenda at the next G8 summit, too, so we can plan to get some kind of joint allied statement out. I'll start planning my speech to the nation right away.
Advisor: Right away, Mr. President. And may I just say how very Presidential you look right now, fashioning plan after plan on the very spot? Not a hair out of place, either! It's masterful, sir, just masterful.
President A: Thank you, Jeeves.
Exit Advisor, bowing and scraping.
Scenario B:
Advisor: Good morning, Mr. President, here's your coffee. Word from the Pentagon is the invasion is going well, but unfortunately we can't find 400 tons of high explosive the IAEA warned us were stashed at al Qaqaa.
President B: Christ, what next? Get SecDef on the phone and tell him if I don't know how this happened and whether it's a problem within 30 minutes he can save himself trouble by cleaning out his desk before I see him next -- no, on second thought, I'll just walk over myself right now and talk to him.
Advisor: Uh. . okay. Should I schedule a press conference for this afternoon, too?
President B: What? Who knows? It's only 9 o'clock. Y'all don't mind, I'd like to get a few facts straight before I open my mouth. Put down that cup and hand me my coat -- and close your mouth, you look like a God-damned fish.
Exeunt omnes.
Let's listen in as a Presidential advisor opens the door of the Oval office one morning, carrying a President's morning coffee.
Scenario A:
Advisor: Good morning, Mr. President, here's your coffee. Word from the Pentagon is the invasion is going well, but unfortunately we can't find 400 tons of high explosive the IAEA warned us were stashed at al-Qaqaa.
President A: Dear me, really? Mohammed El Baradei will be cross with us, I fear. I better call him later and assure him we're planning on a full investigation into how this happened. Can you get the Senate majority leader on the phone? Maybe we can schedule the first hearings before I talk to Mohammed. Oh, and call the Secretary of State, too. We should put this on the agenda at the next G8 summit, too, so we can plan to get some kind of joint allied statement out. I'll start planning my speech to the nation right away.
Advisor: Right away, Mr. President. And may I just say how very Presidential you look right now, fashioning plan after plan on the very spot? Not a hair out of place, either! It's masterful, sir, just masterful.
President A: Thank you, Jeeves.
Exit Advisor, bowing and scraping.
Scenario B:
Advisor: Good morning, Mr. President, here's your coffee. Word from the Pentagon is the invasion is going well, but unfortunately we can't find 400 tons of high explosive the IAEA warned us were stashed at al Qaqaa.
President B: Christ, what next? Get SecDef on the phone and tell him if I don't know how this happened and whether it's a problem within 30 minutes he can save himself trouble by cleaning out his desk before I see him next -- no, on second thought, I'll just walk over myself right now and talk to him.
Advisor: Uh. . okay. Should I schedule a press conference for this afternoon, too?
President B: What? Who knows? It's only 9 o'clock. Y'all don't mind, I'd like to get a few facts straight before I open my mouth. Put down that cup and hand me my coat -- and close your mouth, you look like a God-damned fish.
Exeunt omnes.
posted by Quadraginta at 1:46 PM
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